No, I’m not talking about my boobs… promises!  I would, but I don’t have any worthy of talking about…

Throughout the past ohhh month or so, since end of July/early August, I’ve had the incredible pleasure of getting to know some incredible girls through the wonderful 140 character limit of twitter.

They’ve really shown me how meeting people online can turn into something fabulous… although, to be honest, I’ve already known that for a while and this is just an added bonus.  I feel like I’ve known these girls for ever, literally… I feel like they’ve been part of my life since day one and we’re only just chatting online because we all are so far apart from one another; which totally sucks, to tell the truth! 

I’m in Wisconsin, one is in Minnesota (and she’s only 45 minutes away from my house! Squee!!), one is from Virginia, well two of them from Virginia, one from South Carolina and one from Nebraska!  The Nebraska one is only about 6 hours away, which is totally doable if I wanted to meet up with her since last November 08 I drove 9.5/10 hours one way to visit my lovely Stacy in Southern Illinois! 

To… mah girlz!

@pacigraveyard:  Darling darling, where to start?  Well, first things first, I know you’ve been going through some hard times lately and I know some days it’s very hard to wake up and put one foot in front of the other; but… you do it, and you do it in a way that I cannot even imagine, you stay focused, proud and you do what is right for your and LMC.  You have SO much going for you, even though it feels like you’ve lost everything you’ve ever known… you haven’t, and I know you’ll see that some day.  I’m so glad I took the chance and started following you after seeing you and @poobou talking; you’ve come to be one of my great great friends that I cannot even explain; the online friendships that form are from a comfort level that not everyone gets.  It’s such an amazing feeling knowing that I can log on to my computer, or look at my phone or tweetdeck or my inbox and see a message from one of you, just checking in on me or telling me you’ve missed me all day, etc… I know sometimes I don’t reciprocate, but I hope you know how much of a sweetheart you are and how much you’ve come to be such an amazing friend, and how I cannot wait to meet you in February, come hell or high water, I’m coming to VA!    Oh, and stay strong, you’re awesome, he doesn’t deserve you, and you have a beautimus adorable little bean at home that LOVES HER MOMMA!!!  Like we do online, you know… cause we’re all kindsa ”weird” stalkerish kind of, you know… and Heeeeeeeheehee, I did NOT forget his last name.  Oh no, no I didn’t.  xoxoxoxoxoxo Love you girl!!

@raychelceleste: Oh bah-hum-bug, miss can’t make up your mind on your middle/last names and partner in crime with some stalkerishness… where do I start?  Just to say that I LOVE YOU is enough, really… I mean, you know… you’re kind of weird and all, and you’re kind of a creepster, but I still… LOVE.YOU. Whole bunches… like, “THISSSSSSSSSSSSS” much except not more than A or the other girls, because I love all of you equally, for reals.  Well, except I don’t love you when you keep me up late at night because you and A, and S and J and stuff are so damn addicting.  Either that or I need some serious self control… and we all know how much of that I DON’T HAVE.  But really, in all seriousness… you? are awesome, and I? am lucky…wait wait wait, scratch that… I’m going to go out on a limb and say that, ME, A, Sarah, AND Jo are ALL amazingly lucky to have you beesh in our lives.  It makes me all fluttery inside when you, Sarah, Amber and Jo (enough with the initials, gah!) send me @’s wondering where oh where @snarkykisses has gone… aw, I feel the love… I feel it!  All mushy inside!  And, I’m totally game for VA in Feb, even if you have to hitch hike, you’ll be there.  Except, well, just don’t get in the vehicle with a creepster… I want you to make it there safe and sound, and not end up in California with a creeper and then in Mexico and then, uh, yeah… maybe scratch that idear.  Sorry, got sidetracked… either way, love you and I cannot wait to meet you either, even though it’s far far away it seems; well, unless you wanted to come up to sconny and have some DQ and CHEESE and meet Jo with me?  I’m totally game for that.  Oh, and fly up to VA and pick up Amber too, mmkay?  Sarah will find her way up here, she’s not far away, either – squee, you and Amber totally need to move to the midwest… that’s where all the cool cats live, dood.    OMGERSH, you weirdo!  It’s GOSH!  That is all, kthxbai. xoxoxoxo

@scunning:  My darling darling Sarah, oh how I love thee… no really, I do.  But not more than Raychel or Amber or Jo because I don’t feel like causing a fight between us 5, it’s just a big old equality group hug’n and lov’n and I’m SO lucky to have you 5 in mah lifez!  Srsly.  And, I’m totally going to meet you sometime soon, we are ONLY 6 hours away!  That is SO not ANY excuse!  And, then?  Then when you decide to come to BlogHer next year (because by the way, you’re coming whether you like it or not as are the other girls, and you cannot use the excuse that you won’t know anyone because I totally felt that way and omg, that is so not true), we’re going to road trip and meet in the middle or I’ll fly down to see you and then we’ll have Chevrolet deliver a car to your house, and we’ll drive from Nebraska to NYC with a free car, free gas, and you know, that’d be awesome, right?  Except, who’s going to drive into NYC?  Skeery.  Wow, got sidetracked, but really… they DO do that, it’s a way for Chevrolet to show their cars and get great reviews on them!  So, uh ATTENTION GENERAL MOTORS, AKA CHEVROLET (link was from last year/BlogHer 09) and ANY OTHER PEOPLES OR CAR COMPANIES THAT LOAN A BRAND NEW CAR TO BLOGGERS FOR GOING TO BLOGHER, PICK ME!  Srsly, CONTACT ME!  I’m a GOOD DRIVER!  AND, I will do a GREAT REVIEW!!  For real, Email ME!  Kthxbai!  Back to you Sarah, sheesh, bad friend I am… but really, I love you and you are going through some tough stuff too right now, but know that what you’re fighting for is so worth it and it has such a future ahead of it, and so much to lose from behind… and you are doing everything in your power to make this work, and really? That’s all that matters.  YOU are showing how much it all means to YOU, and now hopefully he will see that too… and without a doubt, I know he will… because quite frankly, he’d be lost without you… I know I would too, and I’ve only known you for a month or so… so, all joking aside, I DO love you!  And you ARE going to BlogHer next year, you so deserve it!   heehee, xoxoxoxoxo. 

@minnesotajoz: OMG, my friend and neighbor from only 45 minutes away!!  I cannot even tell you my excitement of uh, you know… FINDING OUT you were SO CLOSE TO ME!!  We totally have to meet someday, maybe even this weekend if I come see you at the Liz Logelin 5k!  I’ll even push you around in your wheelchair; that ankle of yours will NOT win!!  Dammit!  I’ve onlygotten to know you over the past few weeks, but I cannot tell you, as well as the other girls, how much joy it’s been knowing I have you 5 to talk to every day!  You make my days so much better, and I feel so much friendship and bond between us online, through are sweet sweet little 140 character messages!  Totally not trying to sound like Creeper McCreeperson there but, really… you? are awesome!  I totally think you and I need to meet, and or, you and I need to fly down to Omaha for Sarah, or she needs to fly up to us and then we can totally drive our sweet sweet buns in a NEW VEHICLE thanks to GM/Chevrolet for LOANING a new vehicle to us, to REVIEW!  And, drive to New York City!  Sorry Raychel, you’ll have to fly there, well… unless you want to fly up to MN and then drive with us, you know, cause that’s totally okay.  Anyways, I’m so glad I’ve been able to get to know you more, and I love the fact even more so that when I’m in Red Wing, you’re only like 30 minutes away!!  xoxoxoxoxoxoxo Love to you girly!

@irishsamom:  Uhm, girl?  YOU!TOTALLY!NEED!TO!GET!BACK!ONLINE!MORE! because A) we miss you and B) Amber needs to quit hogging you!  Oh oh just kidding Amber, I know you’re not hogging her.  Really though, I know you’re busy with life and the things going on right now, which by the way, I wanted to tell you how proud of you I am that you did what you did last night with your inlaws and that takes a LOT of courage to do, but you DID it and you DID IT for your own well being, and because you do not deserve to be treated in the way they treated you, and this is all just part of the journey of making you and your kiddos your top priority; because obviously someone else doesn’t think that way.  You are a strong lady and you have shown many people how it can be done, and how you should fight for what you deserve, and I truly appreciate all of your words of encouragement for some of the things I’ve told you over the past few weeks; you give me a sense of peace and thought and courage to stand up for myself, and see through the cracks; unlike before.  I know this is cryptic to some of you who read it, but either way… I truly thank you, you’re an amazing friend and momma and I’m so incredibly lucky to have gotten to know you more, and I can’t wait to chat more with you… if your kids would quite taking you away, I mean, SHEESH!  HELLO! TWITTER GIRLS NEED YOU!  Duh, don’t they know that?  Heehee, kidding… Love!  xoxoxoxoxo We’ll hunt you down and find you, and when they go to bed and when you are free, come say hi, I miss you!  And I’ll do the same, since Lord knows I’m bad at doing that sometimes!  xoxoxox Love to you darling!  You’re a strong lady, and you give me courage.

…and that my friends concludes the crazy creepy stalkerish messages to my favorite girls; except everyone is my favorite, really… I just felt inclined to do this to the 5 that I talk to the most because they’re kind of amazing, and kind of you know, like “THIS” to me… and you should totally go add them, @pacigraveyard @scunning @raychelceleste @minnesotajoz @irishsamom on twitter right now, oh and ME TOO @snarkykisses… duh, don’t forget THEE most IMPORTANT one of ALL!  /off soapbox now

But really, I cannot thank all of you enough, the ones I’ve met online, had the chance of meeting in person at BlogHer 2009, and all sorts of other awesomeness… you all complete me, no really… you do… I’m THAT much of a creepster, promises!  Watch out! 

I’m not a creepster in a bad way though, swear.  Pinky Swear.

Psst, go register for BlogHer 2010 when you can afford to!  We can travel together and stay together and…yes, do it! Pretty please!

So, I had my blogher post halfway kinda sorta ready to post but low and behold, it is saved as a draft again!  I think that’s the maybe ohhh 12th time I’ve saved it.  Not kidding.  ADHD much?  Yeah… Let’s see if we can get through this one!

As some of you may be aware, I had the incredible honor to be chosen as one of SlimPerfect‘s Little Black Dress winners from along with Ana from Bonggamom, Lisa from Crazy Adventures In Parenting, Jerri Ann from Mom-E-Centric, and Courtney from The Digital Mommy!  Also, a HUGE thank you to Debba at Girlfriendology and Carole at MuffintopLess for hosting this contest and working with the fabulous Casey, owner of SlimPerfect!

It all happened on Thursday the 23rd and we all felt amazing… well, I know I did!  It all started by getting our hair and make up done by Nicole, owner of  BombShell Artistry.  We all had various things done make up and hair wise, and they made us look amazing.  I had airbrushed make up, foundation and it was something I’d love to do again.  It was so smooth and sleek and light, I didn’t feel like I had tons of foundation weighing down my face.  Huge thank you to U! Creative for sponsoring our BombShell Artistry experience!

After I finished with my make up and hair, I changed into my LBD and headed out to meet some friends!  It was a night I will never forget, and the dress?  OH!  THE DRESS!  Duh, that’s the WHOLE reason I’m posting here!

IT?

Is amazing!

Me?  A person who doesn’t ever wear a true dress, felt a little bit concerned about wearing something so short… but, uhm… hai! there are built in shorts underneath!  HELLO!  Awesome!  I felt SO comfortable, and I didn’t feel like I was giving everyone a show if I’d bend over, except well I was still courteous when I did because they probably didn’t know their were shorts on underneath and they’d think I was a big well, yeah… that just wouldn’t be appropriate to do where there are a ton of people!

I never once got sick of wearing it that evening, it was snug, sleek, stretchy, comfortable, and quite frankly it didn’t really feel like I had much of anything on!  Gotta love that

My advice to you… if you are looking for any sort of comfortable, cute, slimming black dress… DO IT NOW!  Go straight to SlimPerfect.com and select your size and click submit order!  BUT, before hitting that submit button, be sure to use the promotional code of “BLOGHER” in order to get 50% of ALREADY REDUCED PRICES! I promise you, I WILL be purchasing another SlimPerfect dress or suit of some sort.  Do not miss out on this, I promise, you will NOT be disappointed…

Annnnnd, as always… here are some glorious pictures of the evening with our LBD’s!

Thanks again to Casey, Carole and Debba!!  And to Nicole of BombShell Artistry and U! Creative for sponsoring our make up!

I unfortunately don’t have too many pictures on my camera that are worth while or worth seeing!  I’ll have to see what the other girls have come up with!  For now, enjoy!

That’s about all I have for now, but either way, it was a glorious evening and I would do it again in a heartbeat!  Now, GO BUY YOUR OWN!!  BLOGHER for 50% off at SlimPerfect.com

GO!

I can’t put it more bluntly other than PLLLLLLLLLLLEASE walk up to me and hit me, or throw something at me, or yell your twitter name or whatever you want… something so it clicks!  Chances are I may or may not recognize you and I’m kind of shy at first.  I’m not like won’t ever talk shy because that’s not it at all, I just get awkward and weird and don’t want to walk up to someone and ask if they are so and so and then have them say, uhhh, no? go away.  Some of you I will of course recognise, but some of you it may take a minute or two for the brain to click!

… so in the event we’re strollin’ through the airport and you walk by me or have a feeling it’s me, or…whatever, I’ll be carrying a bag and purse that look like the ones below.  And, you know what I look like… well you should, if not, go to my flickr page.  Oh and I’ll be killing time from 9:30 to noon at ORD, so if you’re there and waiting for someone too, feel free to @me (@snarkykisses) or text or call mycell… 715.529.9119

…if we’re strollin’ through the Sheraton or somewhere in Chicago, and you think you see me… come up to me!  Tell me your twitter name because uhm, well… that’s just easier… and life will be grand!  I will introduce myself obviously to the people I recognize or know, but… in the event you’re staring at me or I’m staring at you… chances are “Is that…so and so? I wonder if that’s so and so?” will be running through my head.

See you tomorrrrrrrrow!

To all of you other non-BlogHer attendees, I know you’re totally sickened by all this BlogHer stuff since you’re not going… I’ve totally been there, done that, got the t-shirt.  I KNOW it is not fun… but, thankfully some aewsome ladies put together BlogHer@Home so those of you who will be home this weekend can enjoy your own BlogHer Too!

Excuse me now, I haven’t done laundry yet, or finished packing… or cleaned, or washed the sheets or bedspread for hubs since me and the dog were snuggling… annnnnd, I have NO idea what I’m going to wear tomorrow morning.  It’s 9pm and my alarm goes off at 4:45am… time to bust my arse.

Oh, and I’ll be tweeting away this weekend probably…soooo, feel free to follow me!

Gawd!

T-Minus ohhh approximately 42 hours until I board teh plane to Chi town!  Supah excited… HOWEVER! In order for this here PROCRASTINATOR to get her ass in gear and settle down these thoughts prior to teh vacation, I neeeeed to do this to compile a list of “THINGS I HAVE YET TO DO and THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT MEEEE!”  Both lists are intertwined because…

Bare with me. 

And no laughing.

This list is in no particular order, it’s all flyin’ out in the order my little brain can think about it… it may vary from food to clothes to hygiene stuff to parties to pedicures to things you should know about me… rinse and repeat …

Don’t judge.

1.  Jammies
Oh, that’s right, I don’t have any cute ones to wear out in the public…eh, not public…you know…but considering you wouldn’t want to be caught dead with me in my raggy old tshirts and icky shorts or pants… yeah, Tim Gunn would NOT be proud.

2. Jeans
For real, I don’t have ANY jeans for the occasion.  The mother truckers don’t fit.  UGH.  I am making an emergency pitstop on my way home tonight to see if I can round up a pair or two.  I do have one pair at home however every time I bend over, you get the joys of see zee crackz.  Not pretty, promise.  Bring blind folds in case, and if you forget, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

3. Make up
*Pffffffffffffffffft!* This one is kinda funny because dood, I’m totally going STRAIGHT to Target cheapo section, and getting teh usual beauties because I.AM.CHEAP!  However, while in chi town and getting my hair/make up did by Nicole Roger’s for the LBD schtuff, I’m hoping I’ll love what she is going to do, and then maybe I can buy some!

4. Camera
Ugh, can’t find it.  Yeah.  Had it last week.  Can’t find it in my room, which it’s probably there and just under a whole bunch of crap.  Oh hush, you know how easy it is to just throw/toss when you want to take your clothes off after work and get into your comfy clothes.  OCD is not one of my things when it comes to my bedroom.  That’s what the door is for, duh.

5. Hairspray
Zee hairsprayz.  Yes!  Kidding… however, I do have to get some of my good stuff today or tomorrow.

6. Nail Appointment
I had acrylics on 2 weeks ago, however after they annoyed me so damn bad, I tore them off last night and mother effer that HURT.  I always end up tearing them off, I should know better, but whatever.  Gotta go get a new set put on tonight or tomorrow… $40 down the draino.

7. SHOES
Gahd, shoes… I don’t have the slightest clue.  I’m thinking I have all the ones I want, but who the heck knows.  I think I may need a seperate suitcase for just shoes and other miscellaneous crapola, but considering the cheapo airlines now charge $15 for first bag and $25 for 2nd bage for checked baggage… I’m going to stick with the 1 bag for $15. 

8. Clothes in General
Unless you want me to show up nakey, I have to get packing.  First though, I have to figure out what the heck it is that I’m bringing… so far I’ve thought about oh, a few skirts, a few tops, some jeans, sweatshirt that I do not have, uhm, what else?  Oh, I don’t know.  I do however know though, that I will be packing FAR too many items for the 4 days I am there, which will result in having to sit on teh suitcase in order for it to close. 

9. Mini Moos
GAH, CanNOT forget about my supah sweet cards… got them on Friday or Saturday to be exact, and they are purdy.  I better take one pack out and leave them in my purse for the airport, you know because we’ll all be aimlessly walking around, not knowing you just walked by me or that I just walked by you and then we’ll meet somewhere over the next few days and realized we … yeah.

10.  Luggage
Awww shizz, I just thought about all the free stuff we’re going to get and where in the hell I am going to put it all on the way back if #8 happens where I have to sit on my suitcase in order to close it, and that is on the way down.  May have to realign what items of clothing I am bringing… because duh, there is some awesome stuff to be bought and given and received and… okay, if I didn’t procrastinate like this maybe I wouldn’t be thinking about all these little what’if’s in the first place.

11. Things to pack for my carry on…
I know I’ll go spend too much money on stupid stuff that I THINK I’ll use or that I THINK will be beneficial to have with me on the ONE HOUR flight from MSP to ORD… stupid.  Shouldn’t even pack my laptop, but… I’ve seen the way those workers throw around our baggage on the tarmac and I think I would have a coronary if I looked down and noticed it was MY red suitcase flying through the air. 

12. Victoria Secret stop…
For undies.  Shut up, I know when you run out of them, you just go buy more too.  Right?  Well, and the simple fact that I totally suck at having cute undies and when I’m with 1,200 plus wimmins in Chicago, trying to feel cute like everyone else, WHO wants to be wearing granny panties?  Not I.

13.  Sticker for forehead tell you to come talk to me.
Because, HAI… I am shy, for about .22 milliseconds when we meet.  And you SHOULD come up to me and talk to me, or hit me, or introduce yourself… by your twitter name.  That’s how I roll.

14. I’m all about hugs…
But I’m terrified just to walk up to you and give you one.  Some people hate that and get weirded out by it.  I on the other hand, well… nah, you can hug me whenever you want… just know that if I don’t hug you first, it doesn’t mean I don’t like you.  Refer to #13!

15. Moviestar
I may or may not notice who you are, or recognize you… but if you come up to me, and introduce yourself, “Hai, I am… so and so” and I’m all, ZOMG!!!!!!1!!!1!! THE…so and so? Like, @ so and so on twitter?  and you’ll be all, “Ohhhhhhhhhhhkayyyyyy” and turn around and walk away.  For real, don’t do that… I just get a little excited, you know?!  Moviestar you are!

16. Alcohol
I love me some alcohol when I’m around the right people… or having a fun time… or in general.  My real life peeps likely don’t think that I do because I really don’t drink that often because I really don’t go out that often, but when I do… I like me some liquor.  I do NOT like beer, eww… but mixed drinks, any kind?  Yeah, send them my way.  I get very mello, happy, peppy, excited, E!x!c!l!a!m!a!t!i!o!n! point attitudish… yet, like I said, very mello… and I always seem to have those heart to heart conversations when I drink.  And then I get all emotional.  Sheesh.  Oh, and I need to bring my bottle of Cherry UV Vodka – well, I may just leave it at home and buy a bottle when I get down there.  Cherry UV with diet coke?  YUM-O!

17. Tylenol or something…
I need to buy that… and excedrin, extra strength for you know, the morning afters.  Hangovers a plenty in Chi-town and I do not want to have one… or more than one.

18. Jewelry
Pit stop tonight…. haven’t exactly figured out what type of Jewelry I’ll wear with my LBD!  Going to stop at a few places tonight… I’m wearing red shoes, so… something coordinating with that.

19. Luggage, AGAIN.
Just read AGAIN that I better pack light, and even maybe bring an extra bag.  I might have to just buck up and bring another bag.  Gah.  What are you doing?!

20.  Slippers or Jammie flip flops
For the down the hallway prancing in my PJs… oh yes.

21.  Electronic Items
Charger cords for my phone, laptop… uhm, OH! Camera, duh…

22. Confirmations
I have to print my airline stuff and lobbycon confirmation stuff… and make sure I have my ID and everything with me to get on teh plane!

23.  Not related to BlogHer…
…but, I think I will be taking a day off work tomorrow… I have a half day, but really?  Drive 45 minutes 1 way for 4 hours of work and pay $6.50 for parking for those 4 hours… meh.  I better get my ass moving, I’m pretty much caught up – just have today’s work to do…

24. ….to be continued because well, uh… refer to #23… and I’m having a brain fart… I’ll update tonight with party info, contact info, yada yada yada stuff!

DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD, you have got to be effing kidding me!!!!! I Just hit escape a few times – 2 maybe, and my effing post deleted. You son of a whore, UGH.

Let’s try this again…

SO! Slackerific, where were we? OH. I shamefully will NOT admit the number of times I came to this little screen that I am typing on now, typed about 2 paragraphs, had no idea where I was going with it all, and some how or another my mouse thingy some how managed to click that sweet little “Save Draft” button down there and the rest is history. I bet you since I last posted, I have likely 10 drafts right now saved. I should compile them all together and see what kind of craptastic post it makes. Probably just that, a lot of crap. The thing is though, I did have stuff to tell you about, and for the love of all things Holy, BlogHer is only 6 days away! Super excited! Gah, I totally know how you non-BH09-attendees feel because I’ve been there, done that, got the t-shirt and you were probably sick of hearing about BlogHer since last year.  I knooooooooow.  Oh! But, if you’re at home – you NOW can enjoy BlogHer At Home!  Check it out!

BlogHer aside, well kind of… but, no… well, screw it!  Unless you’ve been hiding in a hole for a little while (few days), you’ve probably read my tweets about something that I, and 3 other girls have won.  You know what I’m talking about right? 

Take a second and go over there to that pink long button in the sidebar… doooooo-it, see it?  SlimPerfect?  YEAH!  Check that out bitches, I’m a *cringe* SlimPerfect Model 2009!  Seriously, I want to crawl in a hole and curl up in the fetal position when I hear Krystle SlimPerfect Model 2009 in the same sentence or all together, because HAI! I’m skeerid.  You’re probably thinking, what the hell is she doing in a model contest?… cause, really, I am too – but I couldn’t pass it up – they looked through some of my flickr pictures, and I’m totally excited… they must have liked something about this chicky!  Anyways though, thank you to those of you who congratulated me and RT’d (retweeted for you non-twitter users) some of mine and the other winners tweets!  Thank you SO much, I cannot wait to see you (the ones going!) at BlogHer!  T-minus 6 days!

The other 3 SlimPerfect Model 2009 Winners are Ana, Lisa and Courtney and because of overwhelming abundance of pure awesomeness, Jerri Ann was awarded the first ever People’s Choice Award for SlimPerfect!!! Go congratulate them, hurry…go!

AND, because of how awesome SlimPerfect is, they have made it easier for YOU to purchase one of your very own SlimPerfect SlimDresses or any other article of clothing you find that you just have to have!  The prices are reduced right now too, but if you use the coupon code “BlogHer” at check out, you can save an ADDITIONAL 50% off your total sale!  How awesome is that?! 

Thank you so much for such an awesome opportunity girls!!  See you in SIX days!

Hehhhhhh!!!  Oh yes, new toy!

This baby?

Sitting in my pretty little lap!  Best part yet?

I got it alllllllllllll in time for BlogHer!

Squeeeeeeeeee!!  It’s totally awesome and I wish I had more pictures for you, but… I know, it’s a laptop and you’ve seen one of them babies before… but really, it’s brand spanking new and ALL MINE!  I don’t have to share it with ANYONE! Not even my sweet loving husband!  He gets my Dell and I deleted all of my stuff off of it and he can do whatever his little heart desires!

But really!!  It’s smoooooooooth and sleek and rounded edges and things light up like holy batman how did that just happen and the keyboard is incredibly soft and sleek and the 10 key is amazing and…

Don’t judge my grammar tonight, I’m excited!

AND? ANNNNNNND?

Oh yes, I was ((((((THIS)))))) close to buying this baybee too!  But, I decided on holding off for a while… maybe sometime in the future when this one gets retired.  Until then though, I’ll be a happy little clam with my HP! And besides, if I’m going to get a Mac someday, I’m not going to get the cheapest one… I’ll get a supah nice one!

…alrighty, I’m off like lightning… gotta work on my moo’s for BlogHer because uhm… TWENTY DAYS!

Happy 4th of July!!

xoxoxo

Are you sick of my nagging “I’m skeerd, worried,  happy, excited, nervous, afraid…blahh-de-fricken-da” posts about BlogHer?

Yeah. Me Too.

I think I would really go back and delete them or rephrase and rewrite them if I could; but I won’t because that’s just stupid and well, you’re getting to see the real me I guess…

I’m not going to dig myself more, I’ve already done that.  I will just tell you that I am beyond excited and thrilled to meet so many of you in 1 short month.  I can barely contain myself with the excitement and all of the possible things that will be.  I have been blessed beyond measures to have such wonderful online friends and people to share my life with and to share all of  my fears and hopes and thoughts.  I know I am not alone in the fact that I’m skerrd shitless, but it’s okay… it’s completely okay that I feel that way, and I’m glad I feel that way and am open to sharing my fears with you all, but… I’ll be damned if I didn’t think it was getting a little ke-crazy mah self.  So, sorry!  I’m going to be going with an open mind and hoping to meet nearly all of you between the parties with Room704, The MamaPopRocks, The People’s Party, Social Luxe Lounge Party, Bowl Her ’09, 3rd Annual CheeseburgHer Party and the lunch at Dick’s on the 23rd…

I’ve started to plan out what I’m going to wear for each day or each par-tay… however, I still need to find a dress of some sort which uhm, yeah… I suck at dress shopping.  I just want a basic basic black (yes, BE-LACK!) dress, sleek, thick fabric (not this frilly shit) or controlling fabric (because O HAI rolls!) and something that uhm, looks flattering.  Is that possible? Meh, yeah it is… all 220 lbs of me, which hey I am holding strong at 27 lb loss – I’m proud of that, yo.  However, if I don’t step it up, I will miss my 12 lbs gone by the 23rd of July…and that’s not an option in my book.  Oh really, I kid I kid – whatever it is, I don’t care on the number, I just want to feeeeeeeeeeeel good and so I’ll feel confident.

Speaking of confidence… you’re all probably thinking, that bitch must be uggggggggggly since she has no self confidence and tears herself to shreds all the time and I will be the first to admit that I have never had good self confidence, but with losing weight and looking at things a little differently… I am getting better.

Just want to say thank you to everyone for taking it with a grain of salt and telling me to chill the eff out… it’s all going to be okay, everyone is nervous or has a little fear… but whatever, it is what it is and it’s normal… and it’s not like I’m going into a war zone and need to fear for my life for christs sake.  Or do I?  I haaaave heard things get a leeeeeettle rowdy when alcohol is or is not involved.

Whatever happens, happens and I’m beyond pumped!

PUMP! Pump up the  jam, pump it up…
While your feet are stompin’
At the jam it’s pumpin
Look at hear the crowd is jumpin’
Pump it up, a little more
Get the party goin’ on the daaaance floor

Sorry, had to.

Since you know I’m GOING TO BLOGHER kinda sorta, pretty much… I’ve been thinking a-LOT lately about it all.  Right now I have the butterflies in my lower gut… srsly, this is so ridiculously ridiculous!  All of you reading this probably think I am a wack job who has no life and all she thinks about is BLOGHER, blah blah blah blah, oh my God, it’s not THAT bad lady, chill the effenheimer ouuuuut, but I disgress.  Since it IS my first kinda sorta BlogHer part-ay(ssss) I have every single right to have those first time jitters of “what if I don’t recognize their face? what if I think someone is supah cool and I love who they are and I want to hang out with them but uhm, what if I’m not as hippy fun cool as them?”

You know… kind of like the cliques in school.  “Why are you hanging out with HER?  She’s fat and ugly and she isn’t COOL like US.” 

THAT sort of thing.

I get terrified of that crap.  I know, I know… we’re not 12 anymore, but still… I fear that, and worry… a LOT.

In light of this fear, I thought I’d write out a little bit more about myself to those of you who I will be meeting for the first time and for those of you who kind of want to get to know me a little more in more of a personable way, not like info of “where i work, what i do, where i shop, who i’m married to, yada yada stuff like that… this here list is going to be all about me.  Me as a person, as a whole and what you can expect from me or what you can be promised to witness in our 3-4 days together in July. 

I smile.  Alot.  And when I’m nervous?  I giggle. 

Except sometimes when I giggle, I get nervous because uhh, hai! I’m the only one laughhhing!  So? Laugh with me! 

I don’t laugh that often though… wait.  wait.  who am I kidding?  Chances are that I’ll think you’re teh funneh if you do something even as little as making a strange face.

Since we’re on the subject about laughing, I will tell you right now… I promise, I’m not an annoying “QUIT FUCKING LAUGHING BISH!” …I promise you. Because uh, yeah.

I love a dry/sarcastic sense of humor!

I am extremely self conscious of my double chin.  That is the part about me that I absolutely hate the most.

Since I am so self conscious about that, I always always ALWAYS usually try to cover it up one way or another if I’m sitting in a chair where my double chin may show in any way.  It is always covered up when I am laying down too with my head propted up – because, ugh… I hate it.  HATE. 

When I have my chin covered up with said shirt (usually a crappy PJ shirt, but I have on occasion far too many times been known to ruin nice new shirts) I almost always put it in my mouth – ugh.  And then I knaw on the collar like I’m teething, it’s sick and disgusting and when the collar gets wet, then I have to change my shirt because eww, that’s gross.

I bite my nails.  ’nuff said.  It sickens me to know other.  I am going to get my nails done before blogher though because I cannot show these nubs to you – you would die.

I have no waist.  …okay, wait… that sounds bad… but it’s true, I have no body form… you know how usually a woman usually has some what of a defined waist and her hips at least come out a little?  Yeah, I don’t have that.  Straight as a mother effin’ board… Zsshshshhhhhrrrrrom, down.

Since I have no waist, I have no butt.  My pants are always saggy and I very much wish I could get butt implants… because YES! I would get a little umpf in there if I could!  I wouldn’t mind at least a little ba-donk-a-donk. 

Since we’re on the mind of butts, let me tell you about my gut.  I know, you’re probably thinking – would you stop talking about your body like that…?  I have a tire… see?  Have a flat?  Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii’ve got a tire!!  But it is shrinking…slowly but surely.  To date (from my scale at home):  Down 25.2 lbs and 40.5 inches since March 30th, 2009.

Since we’re on the subject of my body image, I uhm don’t have a very good one – at all.  My upper section is WAY bigger than my legs – I have nice legs – but since I have no waist, and a bigger ribcage/upper body, I look weird – ha! *That picture is pre-diet/start of my eating healthy* If I gained an other 200 lbs, I’d have all the fat in my stomach and little tiny chicken legs – no doubt in my mind about that!  heh!

Believe it or not I am getting much better at having more confidence in my body; it’s a work in progress, as always.

I use a lot of hairspray, usually.  I have gotten better but, I tend to rat/spray/fluff with hands/rat/spray/adjust/spraaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy.  Yes, I close the bathroom door when I am spraying the fumes.

I always wear makeup.  Trust me, I wish I could be one of them people that can get up in the morning and walk out of the house…  I’m fast at it though.

I am usually a happy go lucky, go with the flow kind of person – I love that about myself.

I really didn’t mean for this to turn into a “bitch about my body” saga, I swear… sorry.

I love to give hugs but I am always afraid to give them to people when I first meet them because, well.. what if they don’t like hugs?  Some people would rather you not do that, so I get nervous and shy away from it.

Usually I am not a shy person, but in the event of meeting someone for the first time – I guess it just depends on my mood.  I’ll just have to be sure to take an Adderall before I meet you all… Ha!  I’ll be just a bouncing little fool! 

I love to do things spontaneously, spir of the moment.  2:30 am and you want McDonalds? OK! Let’s go! 

Get a few drinks in me and I’m gooooooooood to go!  You and I? We can have FUN! 

I will do things on a dare… be careful!

I like to sing… so if the radio is on and it’s a good tune, don’t be alarmed when I belt out a word here and there.

Especially if it’s something like…….SHOUT! In the naaaaaaaaaame of looooooooove, beeeeeeefore you breaaaaaaaaaaaaak mah heaaaaaaart, think it O-Oh-ver! 

I love having a good time, whether that’s just sitting outside and taking pictures of stuff – or people watching (I could do that all day long) or… oh I don’t know, hell, anything!

I love singing karaoke but only if I can go up there with a few people, and if I have a few drinks in me…

I promise you, I will be a nervous freak out when I get off the plane that Thursday morning.  Poor Dawn, she gets to see me first… heh!  Kidding, I’ll be fine after I get settled with my luggage and all things technology.

I don’t wash my hair every day, unless I have to.  It’s usually every other day – but not 3 days, because eww… my hair gets way gross then.  It always styles better on the 2nd day though if I don’t use a bottle of hairspray on the first day. 

I get nervous when someone wants to take my picture – I don’t show the nervousness though, well… if I do it’s a matter of self talking, “Okay! Chin UP and OUT! Neck OUT! Smile, neck muscles TIGHT!”  Yeah… and they still usually turn out like shiz.

That picture up there in the right hand corner of the page in my sidebar – yeah, that is just me.  It’s who I am, I’m the nerd who takes self pictures in a work elevator.  I wonder if the security guards laughed at me?  I was facing the camera…

I love getting prettied up and that’s when I feel like myself… make up, hair done, lip stick, nice cute outfit, cute shoes, etc.  Confidence!  Confidence I tell you!

I am NOT a Mom.  This worried me for a little while because I’m not a mommy blogger, unless you count my dog (!) and almost everyone else is… but you all have welcomed me in just as one of your own – so THANK YOU!

I am 23 and a half – yes, and a half – I’ll be 24 in November.  I’m a baby, me and Brittany – we da bebes!

I hate beer – eww, the taste – it sickens me to no end!  I love me some cherry vodka with some diet coke though – MMMMMmmmmm Hmmmmm!

Once you get a few drinks in me, I tell you my deep dark secrets and admit to anything you ask because… well, because I guess I just feel like talkinga bout it.  And, this may sound corny as hell, but that’s when I feel the best – when I can actually talk about the stuff that I wouldn’t normally talk about sober.  So if you have a question to ask me that you don’t want to ask when I’m sober, well… just ask when I’m drinking because IZ WILL TELL YOUZ too much, likely!

I will give you the shirt off my back, if you need it.  Well, not literally.. because well, yeah.  Refer to the body image section of this.  But really, you know the saying… if you need someone to comfort you or if you’re sad for some reason or if you just want to talk; I’m your girl. 

I trip.  I fall over random crap.  I trip when there is NOTHING IN THE WAY!  What?  Rubber soles on shoes are too grippy.  I trip going UP stairs too, yep.  CLUMSY KRYSTLE!

Oh, and the name of this blog?  Snarky Kisses… I really don’t have a whole lot of snark unless I know you really well, but even then it’s not a very bitchy snark.  Kisses… well that’s just because I’m usually always in a happy, huggy, relaxed and calm sort of person. 

And most importantly, I love love love meeting new people and I’m sure this is all getting crazy boring but really… I cannot wait to meet you all so I can put a face to a name and blog to a face and all that jazzy fun stuff. 

So, that is all of yours truly in a nutshell… I’m sure there is more that I’m missing in there somewhere and I’ll probably think it up as soon as I hit publish.  I just want you guys to know the real me – the things I probably wouldn’t tell you in person because I’d be to nervous or shy to admit them – now you know.  I am very much a 12 year old at heart and I do laugh at farts and big burps… I might even call you a sow if I hear it.  And YES, I’m TOTALLY being sarcastic if I call you that… don’t worry!!  I’ll only do that if I’ve gotten to know you a little more. 

If you have any other questions about me or anything extra to add to what I said above, you know what to do… just let me know!  If there is anything that I need to know about you then you should do a post like this too, or just leave it in the comments…

Tootles!  Have a wonderful weekend!

Okay, so for some reason I’m really really really really nervous to post this – for one, I don’t want @amyinohio to be upset that I made this – because I’m not sure if she was wanting to make one or not.  Amy, if you’re reading this – if you are upset that I made this, PLEASE let me know!!!  I don’t want to offend or upset any of you, especially since you are the one who has been planning this ordeal.

But, since I was putting badges on my sidebar for all the other fun stuff I was doing, I figured – HEY! Why not put one up for the Dick’s Last Resort pre-blogher lunch on the 23rd!  And, since I’m going I jumped right on the bus and went to her blog and saved part of her header image (so it looked like it was from her blog/style, etc) and typed some stuff on there and vwalah, this is what we have:

 <a href=”http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/event.php?eid=85582328374/” mce_href=”http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/event.php?eid=85582328374″target=”_blank”><img src=”http://i109.photobucket.com/albums/n74/krystlerae21/header2amy-1-1-1.jpg” mce_src=”http://i109.photobucket.com/albums/n74/krystlerae21/header2amy-1-1-1.jpg” border=”0″ alt=”Pre-BlogHer Lunch at Dick’s Last Resort”></a>

So, if you are going to the lunch on the 23rd at Dick’s and you feel like you would want to add it to your sidebar with all of the other badges, please feel free to take the code above! 

…and Amy, really I mean it – please let me know if you didn’t want this made!!!!!  Please!!!  I will take it down right away!

Thanks All!  Enjoy!!

********Edited to Add:  Amy you are totally awwwwwwwwwwesome!! Glad you like the badge! 

FOOLED YOU!!

Totally not awesome, but you know what?  YOU ARE!

Srsly.  No kidding around here.

Ever since announcing that I am going to *gasp* BlogHer last Thursday, I have been in a fit of anxiety (in a good way) and little goofy butterflies like a 6 year old’s first day of school… and holy hell, I cannot fracking wait! 

I have had a chance to get to know a whollllle bunch of you within the past few months, and I keep thinking of the sweet sweet people I want to meet in person at BlogHer.  This list is growing…and growing…and growing… along with the anxiety.  Because dood, 44 days!

Seriously, how many of you awesome people are going to BlogHer?  A LOT!  And, I did have a list here of everyone I wanted to see at one time or another, but uh – the list got too long and I just decided to not do it because it’s pretty much ALL OF YOU! 

And because I get to meet so many of you, I want to look as good as I can!  So, in turn, I’ve slowly started to think about what I’m going to wear for what, when, who, etc… and I’m having somewhat of a hard time.  As you may or may not know, I’ve been trying to be healthier, and have lost some poundage/inches and I’m not sure if I will fit into the clothes that I am currently wearing, especially since some of my pants that I bought 2.5 weeks ago, are too big right now.  However, that is mainly because I bought them too big.  Oops.  I’d like to bring some fun stuff… well whatever fun stuff I can find.  Comfy shoes, yet cute… skirts, although since we’re going to “the windy city” I’m not sure how much a skirt would work, although well.. meh, who cares!  And, I want to find a black dress of some sort… you know, because everyone needs that little black dress! 

I’m entirely too self conscious to wear certain things, however I am getting better… especially now that I am working out and getting more muscle.  I am hoping to lose another 10 lbs by blogher, so we’ll see.  10 lbs and a whole lotta inches – if I keep doing what I’m doing, I shouldn’t have any problems!  *crossing fingers*

I am usually a horrific procrastinator so I need to start thinking about these things now, because I can just about promise you I will be packing at 10pm on Wednesday night June 22nd… and in a state of panic because “OMG! WHERE ARE MY SHOES!” and then I get really pissy and fun to be around, and yell at people for things that are not their faults and blah blah blah. Poor poor husband. Mention him in your prayers that night before bed, he’ll need them.

You too?  Heh!

So in order to try to hold back the reigns of the beast so she doesn’t wig out, I need to start planning NOW!  Outfits for what days, nights, shoes with what clothes, what pants to bring, sunglasses, shirts, tanks, undies you really didn’t think I was going to go without undies, right?, everything… also make up… I need to find some new (not budget draining) make up… if you have a favorite, leave a comment and let me know.  I’m a cheap kind of girl… cheap is good.  I usually will on very very rare occasions go to Macy’s or Herberger’s, etc and buy the name brand stuff… and that’s only if they have their gifty special. 

We’re getting to the point, I swear… but because you guys are all awesome, and some of you have been to blogher before unlike yours truly… what types of clothes did you bring?  Some nice dressy stuff?  And when I say dressy, I mean casual dressy – like this or this… or wide leg jeans and a cute top, and cute shoes, and stuff eh! I’m so descriptive. Stuff, yo! ?  Hell, I’ll bring a bunch of stuff see? stuff, yeah – that stuuuuff.… if you’re anything like me you’ll bring 5 shirts to choose from for each day.  YeeGads!  Hai!  I am coming for 3 nights 4 days and have 3 suit cases! Halp!  I’m going to get some cute PJs and comfy clothes too… I loves me some comfy clothes!  And helllloooooo, I like to look cute while I sleep, TOO! Chances are though, I may or may not make it to bed with teh PJs, I may just keel over in bed because uhm, teh alcoholz! all you people who go to blogher sound like a bunch of crazy hooligans!

What are you bringing?  I’m also trying to think up spending money and how much to bring… argh!  That is kicking my ass… I need to start saving, now!  Or, uhm… start stashing here and there so that sweet sweet beautiful husband of mine doesn’t catch on to how much I’m bringing. >:o)