That last post I wrote on March 19th titled “Going Way Back” and you know how I promised you that I would write all sorts of fun things and follow up? And, I had a goal in mind of things/topics that I wanted to accomplish within that next month? Yeah… obviously not so much.
I have a reason… or, maybe… a story as to why it didn’t get done.
It’s been a whirlwind of the last month… it’s been chaotic and I’ve had more changes happen this past month than I have in years… YEARS. I’ll start with the basics…
Chris and I are getting a divorce.
I had a melt down on Wednesday March 27th… I’m not going to get into the why’s and how’s and who’s fault and yada yada yada… because it’s just as much my fault as it was his fault. I’m not perfect… he’s not perfect… we’re human, we make mistakes… it is what it is, and we made the bed… now we get to lay in it.
It wasn’t as mutual between Chris and I; I was more-so the one that wanted the divorce… he was sad, very sad… I had my sad, very sad days too. We are working through it. We filed for divorce on Thursday, April 19th… now we just wait for the judge to review it and sign off.
It’s been a crazy past month… he moved out on the 15th of April; I’m staying at our place and refinancing it into my name. He is living with his parents in the interim and then plans to buy a house in 6 months. I get to keep Duke, but that is a very sensitive subject for me… it breaks my heart to see Chris sad and upset about losing Duke… and Duke is always wondering where his daddy is and he gets excited when he hears a loud truck, cause he thinks it’s Chris. I know it’s just a dog, but regardless, Duke has been a part of us for almost 5 years… and he and Chris have been through a lot together, and I know Chris has relied on Duke to get him through many difficult times. It’s almost as though he (Chris) has to mourn a loss… and I hate that. That tugs at my heart strings more-so than anything.
Chris still comes to see Duke on occasion before work, and he plans to take him for some weekends. He works 2 minutes from our (my) house, and so when he gets off work on Friday morning at 4am, he’ll just stop by and pick Duke up and then take him home for the weekend and then bring him back Monday afternoon before work at 4pm. It makes me happy that Chris and I can still have a relationship like that… we can still talk, maybe not as much as we used to, but still talk and deal with stuff like this civilly.
I don’t hate him… I don’t blame him for everything… I don’t want to go there, and do that… I do love him, will always love him… but we’re just not compatible in a husband/wife sort of way. I do feel like I’m losing my best friend… because we did everything together. But I also know that we got to this point for a reason, and I have to remember that.
Our lives are just getting started, and I think we’re going to learn a lot about ourselves in the process.
More to come…