“Nothing endures forever.
Everything perishes in time.
So laugh and love while you may,
Help who you can – work while you must
And when the end comes so be it.
All fame ends in oblivion and is soon forgotten
But it is fun to strive, joy to win.
It is a challenge to lose and try again
And victory always comes if you try hard enough.
To lose is not to fail.
The only failure is to lose and not try again.”
-Anonymous
I have a mind overflowing with things to write about, it’s nearly overwhelming. Kind of like when you’re thinking about 52 other things and you are trying to write them down but you can’t write them down fast enough and then you forget half of the 52 things you were thinking about and throw your hands up in the air and quit.
That’s how my mind feels right now, but I’ve vowed to stay here and write as much as I can or as much as I remember.
I miss this place, I really do. This is my home away from home and a safe haven of sorts; you all know how I feel. I can’t explain the importance of this space but it is just that, important and I do not want to leave there or quit writing. Some have said in blog posts everything I’ve been thinking… but that isn’t a reason why I haven’t been here. I have had good intentions but just never did it. Frustrating.
I’ve been overwhelmed in a lot of areas of my life lately. I know, I know, nothing more than anyone else and it could be worse… but for me it’s still overwhelming. I’m patient and can very much go with the flow, but if I’m overwhelmed I have a tendency to just throw my hands up in the air and say, “Tah hell with it.” and leave it at that, walking away, only to return with guilt that I gave up whatever I was going to do.
Every morning I get to work, sort out my desk and get it ready for the day, check our news website, check a few blogs, think about all the things I want to do throughout the day and eventually begin. That is my most creative time of day; my ambitious time of day where I can think of anything and everything and have good intentions on doing it all… but I can’t, and don’t. My mind is too big for my capabilities… or, as they say, my eyes are too big for my stomach when it comes to eating.
When I can’t complete all the things I want to do, I feel that overwhelming sense of failure. Not necessarily a bad failure, but failure nonetheless. I hate the thought of things being left out there unfinished… it’s all I think about, thus the more I think about it, the more it overwhelms me. I try to be realistic in goal making, but I’ve finally decided I’m failing miserably at that and because I’m failing miserably at that, I’ll never be able to truly reach those goals.
…thus, we fall back to the quote I put at the beginning of this post.
“The only failure is to lose and not try again.”
I have to do it and try again with a goal in mind that is attainable. I hate this overwhelming feeling all the time because it not only affects me at work, but in my personal life too.
…I want to be healthy.
…I want to come here and write and appreciate this space.
…I want to feel confident.
…I want to check something off my list, knowing it’s fully completed.
…I want to have my organizational skills be used to their full advantage.
…I want to know that I can set a goal and reach it.
…I want to start saving more money.
…I want to be more consciously aware of the things going on in my life.
…I want to care deeply about the choices being made.
…I want to lose the, “Whatever” attitude.
This isn’t me… I have a crazy obsession of staying organized; but I need to learn how to do it so I don’t throw in the towel and forget about the whole picture, my goals and just how important they really are.
Throwing in the towel isn’t going to get me healthy or confident or save me any money.
…and I’m the only one that can do anything about it.
I have no excuses to not try again.
