Stitcherooskie

So, I’ve had this mole thingy on my face since forever, pretty much.

And, it’s been annoying and annoying and annoying and… well, just that, extremely annoying… inflamed, puss like, red, different colors, oozy, yeah… it’s been gross, and it gets pretty much the size of china and then doesn’t go away for a while and then I’m all, “let’s cover you up with make up.” and it’s all, “but i’m going to irritate the hell out of you, face.” and I’m all, “Oh you are SO not going to win this battle, I’ll pick you.” and it’s all, “Oh yeah?  Well I’ll just keep getting more and more infected…” and I’m all, “Oh no, NO you will NOT.  I’ll hot compress your ass, and you’ll be GONE.” and it’s all, “Fine! I’ll just harden up and go away for a while until you’re not so abusive, and then I’ll come back with a vengeance.”

Yeah, and so finally after my anxiety just about shot THROUGH the roof, I made a doctor appointment.

OH, which by the way, so need to change my hair appointment for next week on Thursday because I have to get my stitches out then. And, thank you Lord, I can change the appointment ONLINE! My hair lady has ONLINE scheduling, AWESOME! Yeah!

Yeah, THESE effin’ stitches.

Yes, why YES… I went to the doctor and had them cut out the mole today, you know… thinking that I would have like maybe 2 stitches or just a teensy little cut, like maybe even a centimeter long… you know?

NOT A DAMN FLIPPING INCH LONG, and THREE inches deep.

Not really, but for Christ’s Sake I thought he was trying to extract a molar tooth back there or chunks of my jaw bone because holy hannah batman, was he just a diggin’ around in there.

Which by the way?

The Novocain was by far the most painful part of it all… “You’re going to feel a little prick/sting, and then a burn.”

“MOTHER EFF, burn… burn…” as I’m gripping my hands, yeah, “Okay, burn… burn, this is temporary, burn… burn…GAHD, stop.”

And then it did, then he put the sheet of paper over my face that had the hole cut in it, and then he said, “If you feel anything sharp, let me know!”

…Uhhh, if I FEEL anything SHARP?  and I said, “Aren’t you going to let the novocain set in?” and he’s all, “Oh it already has.” and I just uh, “Okay”…

…and then I felt the cut… the deep cut, and then he had ahold of the part of skin that he needed and he was pulling it out, and cutting it at the same time.

“I had to cut pretty deep” he said.

And I said, “Okay, that’s fine… just make sure you get it all.” and he’s all, “You look like Frankenstein!” …and I laughed, and he piped in, “WELL, uhm, you know, because of your stitches… not because of you, yourself. You know, you look like Frankenstein’s wife.” and I said, “OHHHH SURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRE, that’s what you mean’t!” and he said, “Well you trust me with a knife, don’t you?” …evil snicker, and I said, “Yeah, yeah… just… uh, YES! OF COURSE!

Then he continued pulling and tugging, “And you’re going to feel some pulling and tugging and some tightness.”

“Okay”, I replied.

Then all of a sudden he was done, and he was stitching it back up… and up… and up… and up… and I thought, Christ almighty, just like 2 stitches, right?  (I thought to myself)

Then he was completely done, “Just one more stitch and I think we’ll be set!”

He joked around and we laughed, and he filled out a script for me, and he left…

The assistant nurse lady covered me up in goo and a big old nasty bandage and sent me on my way.

And then I looked at the prescription form and saw, “Vicodin – 1 or 2 q 4 hours PRN, 1 refill.” and I might have jumped up and down a little bit.

Seriously, I don’t know why, but I nearly did… and suddenly I gave two shits less what pain I felt and how big the cut was because, “HAI! VICODIN!  I’Z NEVER HAD THIS BEFORE! and OMG, I’m going to be likE VDOG and be HAPPY! AND WEIRD! and” …wait, I can be that way WITHOUT it.

Either way, I was happy.  Then I got it filled, came home, took off the bandage and nearly shit myself when I saw this bitch:

She’s a beaut, ain’t she?  Minus the icky other zitty thingy below it, don’t look at that… focus on the BIG EFFING SLICE IN MY FACE!

…anyways, I took 2 Vicodin nearly 2 hours ago and I’m not like, crazy?  And that is okay because I’m just kind of… comfortable.

But I get my biopsy results next Monday or Tuesday and stitches out next Thursday and I’m a personal attendant for a supah awesome friend of mine next Friday, and well… I’m pretty sure I’ll be wearing my hair DOWN for the wedding.

…say some prayers for thee old biopsy results, cause really? I’m convinced it’s not just a cyst.  Pffft, what do doctor’s know anyways?  heeheeheeeeee.  No really though, let’s hope it comes back as a cystic something or another, whatever the doctor said he thought it was.

Tagged as: face, Friends and Family, inch long, incision, pain, stitches, vicodin