The little things about yours truly

Since you know I’m GOING TO BLOGHER kinda sorta, pretty much… I’ve been thinking a-LOT lately about it all.  Right now I have the butterflies in my lower gut… srsly, this is so ridiculously ridiculous!  All of you reading this probably think I am a wack job who has no life and all she thinks about is BLOGHER, blah blah blah blah, oh my God, it’s not THAT bad lady, chill the effenheimer ouuuuut, but I disgress.  Since it IS my first kinda sorta BlogHer part-ay(ssss) I have every single right to have those first time jitters of “what if I don’t recognize their face? what if I think someone is supah cool and I love who they are and I want to hang out with them but uhm, what if I’m not as hippy fun cool as them?”

You know… kind of like the cliques in school.  “Why are you hanging out with HER?  She’s fat and ugly and she isn’t COOL like US.” 

THAT sort of thing.

I get terrified of that crap.  I know, I know… we’re not 12 anymore, but still… I fear that, and worry… a LOT.

In light of this fear, I thought I’d write out a little bit more about myself to those of you who I will be meeting for the first time and for those of you who kind of want to get to know me a little more in more of a personable way, not like info of “where i work, what i do, where i shop, who i’m married to, yada yada stuff like that… this here list is going to be all about me.  Me as a person, as a whole and what you can expect from me or what you can be promised to witness in our 3-4 days together in July. 

I smile.  Alot.  And when I’m nervous?  I giggle. 

Except sometimes when I giggle, I get nervous because uhh, hai! I’m the only one laughhhing!  So? Laugh with me! 

I don’t laugh that often though… wait.  wait.  who am I kidding?  Chances are that I’ll think you’re teh funneh if you do something even as little as making a strange face.

Since we’re on the subject about laughing, I will tell you right now… I promise, I’m not an annoying “QUIT FUCKING LAUGHING BISH!” …I promise you. Because uh, yeah.

I love a dry/sarcastic sense of humor!

I am extremely self conscious of my double chin.  That is the part about me that I absolutely hate the most.

Since I am so self conscious about that, I always always ALWAYS usually try to cover it up one way or another if I’m sitting in a chair where my double chin may show in any way.  It is always covered up when I am laying down too with my head propted up – because, ugh… I hate it.  HATE. 

When I have my chin covered up with said shirt (usually a crappy PJ shirt, but I have on occasion far too many times been known to ruin nice new shirts) I almost always put it in my mouth – ugh.  And then I knaw on the collar like I’m teething, it’s sick and disgusting and when the collar gets wet, then I have to change my shirt because eww, that’s gross.

I bite my nails.  ’nuff said.  It sickens me to know other.  I am going to get my nails done before blogher though because I cannot show these nubs to you – you would die.

I have no waist.  …okay, wait… that sounds bad… but it’s true, I have no body form… you know how usually a woman usually has some what of a defined waist and her hips at least come out a little?  Yeah, I don’t have that.  Straight as a mother effin’ board… Zsshshshhhhhrrrrrom, down.

Since I have no waist, I have no butt.  My pants are always saggy and I very much wish I could get butt implants… because YES! I would get a little umpf in there if I could!  I wouldn’t mind at least a little ba-donk-a-donk. 

Since we’re on the mind of butts, let me tell you about my gut.  I know, you’re probably thinking – would you stop talking about your body like that…?  I have a tire… see?  Have a flat?  Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii’ve got a tire!!  But it is shrinking…slowly but surely.  To date (from my scale at home):  Down 25.2 lbs and 40.5 inches since March 30th, 2009.

Since we’re on the subject of my body image, I uhm don’t have a very good one – at all.  My upper section is WAY bigger than my legs – I have nice legs – but since I have no waist, and a bigger ribcage/upper body, I look weird – ha! *That picture is pre-diet/start of my eating healthy* If I gained an other 200 lbs, I’d have all the fat in my stomach and little tiny chicken legs – no doubt in my mind about that!  heh!

Believe it or not I am getting much better at having more confidence in my body; it’s a work in progress, as always.

I use a lot of hairspray, usually.  I have gotten better but, I tend to rat/spray/fluff with hands/rat/spray/adjust/spraaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy.  Yes, I close the bathroom door when I am spraying the fumes.

I always wear makeup.  Trust me, I wish I could be one of them people that can get up in the morning and walk out of the house…  I’m fast at it though.

I am usually a happy go lucky, go with the flow kind of person – I love that about myself.

I really didn’t mean for this to turn into a “bitch about my body” saga, I swear… sorry.

I love to give hugs but I am always afraid to give them to people when I first meet them because, well.. what if they don’t like hugs?  Some people would rather you not do that, so I get nervous and shy away from it.

Usually I am not a shy person, but in the event of meeting someone for the first time – I guess it just depends on my mood.  I’ll just have to be sure to take an Adderall before I meet you all… Ha!  I’ll be just a bouncing little fool! 

I love to do things spontaneously, spir of the moment.  2:30 am and you want McDonalds? OK! Let’s go! 

Get a few drinks in me and I’m gooooooooood to go!  You and I? We can have FUN! 

I will do things on a dare… be careful!

I like to sing… so if the radio is on and it’s a good tune, don’t be alarmed when I belt out a word here and there.

Especially if it’s something like…….SHOUT! In the naaaaaaaaaame of looooooooove, beeeeeeefore you breaaaaaaaaaaaaak mah heaaaaaaart, think it O-Oh-ver! 

I love having a good time, whether that’s just sitting outside and taking pictures of stuff – or people watching (I could do that all day long) or… oh I don’t know, hell, anything!

I love singing karaoke but only if I can go up there with a few people, and if I have a few drinks in me…

I promise you, I will be a nervous freak out when I get off the plane that Thursday morning.  Poor Dawn, she gets to see me first… heh!  Kidding, I’ll be fine after I get settled with my luggage and all things technology.

I don’t wash my hair every day, unless I have to.  It’s usually every other day – but not 3 days, because eww… my hair gets way gross then.  It always styles better on the 2nd day though if I don’t use a bottle of hairspray on the first day. 

I get nervous when someone wants to take my picture – I don’t show the nervousness though, well… if I do it’s a matter of self talking, “Okay! Chin UP and OUT! Neck OUT! Smile, neck muscles TIGHT!”  Yeah… and they still usually turn out like shiz.

That picture up there in the right hand corner of the page in my sidebar – yeah, that is just me.  It’s who I am, I’m the nerd who takes self pictures in a work elevator.  I wonder if the security guards laughed at me?  I was facing the camera…

I love getting prettied up and that’s when I feel like myself… make up, hair done, lip stick, nice cute outfit, cute shoes, etc.  Confidence!  Confidence I tell you!

I am NOT a Mom.  This worried me for a little while because I’m not a mommy blogger, unless you count my dog (!) and almost everyone else is… but you all have welcomed me in just as one of your own – so THANK YOU!

I am 23 and a half – yes, and a half – I’ll be 24 in November.  I’m a baby, me and Brittany – we da bebes!

I hate beer – eww, the taste – it sickens me to no end!  I love me some cherry vodka with some diet coke though – MMMMMmmmmm Hmmmmm!

Once you get a few drinks in me, I tell you my deep dark secrets and admit to anything you ask because… well, because I guess I just feel like talkinga bout it.  And, this may sound corny as hell, but that’s when I feel the best – when I can actually talk about the stuff that I wouldn’t normally talk about sober.  So if you have a question to ask me that you don’t want to ask when I’m sober, well… just ask when I’m drinking because IZ WILL TELL YOUZ too much, likely!

I will give you the shirt off my back, if you need it.  Well, not literally.. because well, yeah.  Refer to the body image section of this.  But really, you know the saying… if you need someone to comfort you or if you’re sad for some reason or if you just want to talk; I’m your girl. 

I trip.  I fall over random crap.  I trip when there is NOTHING IN THE WAY!  What?  Rubber soles on shoes are too grippy.  I trip going UP stairs too, yep.  CLUMSY KRYSTLE!

Oh, and the name of this blog?  Snarky Kisses… I really don’t have a whole lot of snark unless I know you really well, but even then it’s not a very bitchy snark.  Kisses… well that’s just because I’m usually always in a happy, huggy, relaxed and calm sort of person. 

And most importantly, I love love love meeting new people and I’m sure this is all getting crazy boring but really… I cannot wait to meet you all so I can put a face to a name and blog to a face and all that jazzy fun stuff. 

So, that is all of yours truly in a nutshell… I’m sure there is more that I’m missing in there somewhere and I’ll probably think it up as soon as I hit publish.  I just want you guys to know the real me – the things I probably wouldn’t tell you in person because I’d be to nervous or shy to admit them – now you know.  I am very much a 12 year old at heart and I do laugh at farts and big burps… I might even call you a sow if I hear it.  And YES, I’m TOTALLY being sarcastic if I call you that… don’t worry!!  I’ll only do that if I’ve gotten to know you a little more. 

If you have any other questions about me or anything extra to add to what I said above, you know what to do… just let me know!  If there is anything that I need to know about you then you should do a post like this too, or just leave it in the comments…

Tootles!  Have a wonderful weekend!

Tagged as: about me, blogging, blogher, BlogHer 09, chicago, honestly, nerves, nervous, yours truly