I started taking Adderall in April 2009 after I was diagnosed with Narcolepsy. I always had a problem feeling tired, fatigued, drained, never ever having that hop in my step like I needed. My grades struggled at school, I couldn’t focus on one thing for more than a few minutes and I struggled with paying attention to anything that didn’t keep me involved and invested for longer than five minutes, if that.
I was reading through a post over at the Curvy Girl Guide and it inspired me to write about why I take Adderall and the insecurities I have when I take it. After reading that post, I found the story Allison was talking about on the NBC Today titled, “College students get hooked on ‘smart drugs’.
“At colleges across America, students are becoming addicted to a popular prescription drug – not because they’re trying to get high, but because they hope to get smarter. The drug, Adderall, is normally prescribed for kids with attention deficit disorder. But some college kids are taking the medication because it helps them focus and pull all-nighters.”
“When I’m on Adderall and I’m looking at the textbook I can forget about everything else around me,” she told NBC News’ Amy Robach, in a report aired on TODAY. ”I figured if everyone else is doing it, why should I get the advantage?”
”It’s a highly addicted substance and when you play with addictive substances, you ultimately get burned,” Stephen Odom, a drug abuse counselor at Sober Living by the Sea, told Robach. “For all intents and purposes, Adderall is speed. You’re putting something in your body that’s gonna make you think you’re OK when you’re not. And the next thing you know, you’re gonna be spinning out of control.”
”In some instances these types of drugs can hurt you,” said Dr. Nora Volkow, director of the National Institute on Drug Abuse. “For example, when people want to do imaginative things.” The same drugs that can improve focus can inhibit flights of imagination, which may make it more difficult to write creatively, Volkow explained to Robach. So, just how big of a problem is this? As part of a hidden camera investigation, a TODAY intern visited the library at one of the nation’s top colleges, and it didn’t take long to score some pills. Just 30 seconds of walking into the library, the intern hit pay dirt with one of the students. “Do you know anyone here that I could get Adderall from?” the intern asked. “Yeah, me,” the student replied. “How much for a pill?” the intern asked. “Like five bucks for a 25 milligram pill,” the student answered taking the TODAY show intern back to one of the library carols where she pulled out some pills. The intern said she didn’t have that much cash on hand and the student suggested an alternative method for scoring Adderall: feign symptoms and get a legitimate – and legal – prescription. “I guarantee you have half the symptoms,” the student said. “Google ADD specialists. It’s in t heir interest to prescribe it to you because you have to go back to them once a month and check in and give them some money.” That’s exactly what “Mike” did. “I went to a doctor and told them I couldn’t focus,” he told Robach. “And by the end, I walked out with a prescription. It was incredibly easy.” Robach wondered how his parents felt about his getting a prescription to boost his grades. “It’s like a ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ kind of thing,” he said. “They don’t wanna know. They’re paying for that report card.”
I’ll tell you straight out… I don’t know what I’d do without Adderall. I’m not addicted, or at least I don’t think so… but I will say this… I don’t know what I’m going to do without it some day.
As I said at the beginning of this post, I was prescribed Adderall for my Narcolepsy and I remember the first day I took it. A part of me was incredibly anxious and excited about getting this new prescription because I’ve heard of the stories about the drug and how it can affect you. I was originally prescribed 20mg two times a day, and that was usually right away when I got up, and then again around lunch time, early afternoon but no later than 3pm if I wanted to be able to sleep at night. After a month or two of that, I was getting very fatigued again and could not stay awake enough at night to get a good night of sleep. I was essentially going to bed too early, not sleeping well, and without sleeping well, you’re going to be tired the next day. I went back to my doctor and he explained why I was having those symptoms and suggested that I try taking 20mg three times per day… and I could take either one in the morning when I got up, one at lunch and one before I leave work for the day. Or, he said I could take two in the morning and one in the afternoon. I’ve taken two in the morning and one in the afternoon now for the past year or so and it’s helped significantly.
The clarity and focus has been amazing… feeling ALERT and ALIVE is something I can’t even explain… I have that hop in my step, that energy, desire to do big things, my thinking process is at 150% and I can for once forget about everyone and everything else and pay attention solely to what I am doing. I know all along in school growing up that I had ADD but it was never tested nor diagnosed… and that’s one huge incredible added benefit that I noticed when I started taking this. I know without a doubt had I started Adderall while in school, my grades would have been much much different and better.
As I said, it’s been a miracle drug, it truly has… but it’s also been my worst nightmare. Within about 20 minutes of taking it I get that high feeling, that extra hop in my step, thinking about everyone and everything, focused and dedicated, new ideas popping in my head all the time, and talking like there is no tomorrow. The initial feeling wears off and I come back down to a normal, focused state and within about 5-6 hours, I feel it wearing off, I get figity, start biting my nails, picking at various things, getting ADD and I’m not able to focus on whatever it is I’m working on… and in general, I’m all over the place. Then I take the 3rd pill for the day and I’m good for the rest of the afternoon and evening until I go to bed.
I’m writing about this because, yes… I truly do need Adderall, but I cannot help but feel like I have a label stamped on my forehead. I take it three times a day, that is what is prescribed, and I have to fill my prescription once a month, with a new prescription each month because of the drug being a narcotic. It’s a hastle in the least, and I feel frustrated that I worry about what others are thinking if they know I’m taking Adderall. I feel insecure that people won’t believe me when I say I really need it, and I feel upset at the simple fact that people ARE abusing it and making it so difficult for those that truly do need it.
I get it though… I understand how easy it is to get addicted… how much you truly think you need the drug… how much it’s helped you with your grades… how much it’s helped you with everything in general… just please, please be careful…
**edited to add: I just re-read the end of the post at CGG that says:
So, this is not me saying it should be pulled off the market – I know that every drug has the potential for abuse. I just think people should be more careful about it. It’s not something to play around with. It’s a serious drug and misusing it can have serious consequences.
But, I have no idea how else the negatives can be regulated or remedied. And, thankfully, it’s not up to me. Because here I sit, with my thoughts still scattered, my projects half finished, and as unfocused as ever. I’m still searching for a something to help me through all this. I’m just much more careful about what I put in my body this time around.
Maybe one of those non-stimulant medications is the answer.
Or, perhaps, I should just concede to the fact that my closet will forever be a disaster and that I will never get all those thank-you cards written.
Because that’s exactly how it is… she couldn’t have summed it up any better… especially the bold areas, she is spot on.
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